Some people dedicate their children to God in a service at a worship center. Me, I was forced to dedicate my son from day one. He died. He stopped breathing. And the cacophony of chaos ensued as we tried in our own efforts to resurrect him. Then, in a moment of silence, breath returned, filled his lungs and he was back. God did what only He could do.
I laid him on the water not out of this incredible conviction. I really had no choice. Life forced me. I had to trust the One who knitted him inside me to hold him. I had to trust that He could carry him across tumultuous waters unknown to most adults let alone a tiny baby.
And he did! He carried him through that moment we thought he was gone. He carried him to the hospital for 3 and a half weeks of tests on heart and brain. He carried him to a clean bill of health. And He set him back in my arms after those three and a half weeks. I was allowed to nurse, to nurture, to wrap, to hold. I was allowed.
For the last 4 years, I was allowed to mother this tiny king.
But now, I’m compelled to lay him back in the hands of another again. One who will train him to be a king. One who will empower him to think like a ruler and not a slave. This time it’s not life that forcing me. It’s a conviction. It’s faith. It’s trust in His leading. It’s letting go of control. It’s believing that people can become all God made them to be through Pharoah’s training program.
And so, here we go. God You’ve got him. You’ve had him. The illusion would be that somehow I’ve had him. You’ve allowed me to play a roll. And part of that roll is to enroll him in the training program that will best equip him to be all he can be.
I am still mom and no one can replace me. But I’m starting to see that this motherhood thing is less about me managing and keeping and more about me watching and letting go. It’s more about me championing and being there in each season. It’s praying through it all. Even if he lands himself in a desert land with so many promises unfulfilled. In the mystery, in the “not yet” in the “yes now”. It’s me being there to witness his process and to have a front row seat as the one who loves him more than I do carries him on the waters.